There is a commercial from the early 90s – maybe late 80s – that has been brought to mind lately. As usual, I don’t quite remember the product, but it was some dog treat. There was a Bulldog walking down the sidewalk, with a Chihuahua sidekick. The Bulldog was walking straight and determined, while the little Chihuahua was jumping back and forth over the Bulldog. The Bulldog was either silent or barely speaking while the Chihuahua was chattering away as he bounced. He made the same progress forward as the Bulldog…but just bouncier.
I often feel like the Chihuahua in that commercial. In my life, I have strong, steady and confident people, while I am sometimes just overly excited. I try to be Bulldog-ish and composed, but I often have too much excitement pinging around to stand still. I mean, I have my Bulldog moments (sometimes my rabid wolf moments), but I am a bouncer at heart.
But, when I had extra weight, I couldn’t bounce – physically, emotionally or spiritually. The weight clouded my vision of future possibilities. Every time I ate, I sank lower emotionally because I felt like I didn’t even deserve the right to eat. If I ate a salad, I would imagine what people thought as they watched the fat lady failing to be healthy.
I was so focused on how badly I felt about myself that I couldn’t see anything around me. Weight Watchers helped bring color to my black-and-white world. Everything was exciting again – I experienced joys that had been years removed from my life.
It was gradual and sporadic, though. With each small step I took, I realized I could take more. Over almost 2 years, as the snowball effect began to take place, my steps became more bouncy and I found myself again.
I understand life happens. I’ve experienced pain, loss and anger. I’ve cried great tears and my soul has groaned at times. I understand. I get it, but if we let those times out-weigh who we are, then pain, fear and depression become the theme of our lives. We have to dig our way out of those low times and live out who we truly are.
Who are you? If you're a calm and steady Bulldog, keep going! If you're an excitable and bouncy Chihuahua, then bounce, my friend, bounce!
4 comments:
Aw April, I love your posts. I was chatting with Carla today and we were both saying how much we love reading what you write! I am in awe of your weight loss and expressed that I was so surprised you were ever that heavy to Carla today. You're a beautiful spirit! :)
It's amazing to me that you ever struggled with your weight, although I guess we passed each other in the hall during that time. Me, however, I think I might be the other extreme - a little TOO bouncy. I could use a little sturdy.
Cheers,
Dionne
PS - Kibbles and Bits, Kibbles and Bits!
Thanks for your kind words Khrista and Dionne!
KIBBLES AND BITS, of course!! Thanks for the reminder, Dionne.
I couldn't help but think of Gracie with your description. Now there is a bouncer!
I also mentioned to Khrista that it doesn't matter what you weigh, you have always been beautiful.
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