got hungry?

I have a Hungry on my refrigerator. He is Weight Watcher's new mascot. We're supposed to use WW tools to banish Hungry, and he's a pretty good anchor on my fridge. Today, though, I found this picture - and I'm not afraid to use it. THIS is getting printed out and put on my board at work, right next to the Top Pot Nutrition information.

I think this image of Hungry being a donut-pusher is going to be great for me!

Happy April Fool's Day

It Does Matter

I figured something out today. After being on this weight loss journey for close to 3 years, it amazes me how I so easily forget the good habits and the sneaky thoughts I don't really think rule my life.

For example, today, I slowed down my mental process just before I made a bad food choice. What I heard myself say was that it doesn't really matter. It doesn't matter what I do - I'm fat and an few extra hundred calories won't really make a difference.

So, I literally stopped walking and said to myself outloud, "It does matter. You matter." So, I changed my decision. Saying that to myself repeatedly changed my decisions for the rest of the day. After losing 54 pounds over a year and a half, I knew every bite mattered. Today, I remembered it.

Benefits and Goals

Last week's Weight Watchers meeting posed the question: What benefit is there to ___? There has to be some benefit to our actions, or else we wouldn't keep doing them. This was a new thought for me.

So, this week, I've been filling in the blank and attempting to answer the questions. As I am about to do anything, I've been asking myself what the benefit is. It has been truly enlightenin.

What benefit do I get from eating candy bars? It is a reward. I'm proud of myself for avoiding other things, so this has been my reward. The problem is, I seem to be proud a lot lately. It's also a trade-off. When I am feeling cheated or have physical pain, I feel like I should get something in return.

What benefit do I get when I avoid the gym? It means I don't have to fight the traffic and run around ragged trying to make it fit into a tight schedule.

What benefit do I get from my job? Besides the paycheck, I don't enjoy what I do right now, but I enjoy who I do it with. I am being recognized for a job well done and that is fulfilling.

What benefit do I get from this blog? It forces me to think about these things and to be honest with myself. I learn about myself and it helps me see things from a different perspective.

So today, I need to figure out and stick to non-food rewards. I also need to deal with other issues in a different way - food does not make my physical pain go away. I need to really think about my schedule and build in real time for the gym. I also need to put pen-to-paper and write down my goals. When they stay in my head, they get fuzzy and are easily changable or delayed. I need to solidify them. Anyone know of a place with fresh, wet cement?

Let Stand 1-2 Minutes

Does anyone let their frozen meal actually stand in the microwave for 1-2 minutes after it's been cooked? Does anyone really let the cookies "cool" for 5 minutes before eating? Does anyone know if the sauce actually thickens if you let a dish set a few minutes?

I bet those people are out there, but I am not one of them. I think I must feel that the food will disappear in those precious few minutes, or that I am 1-2 minutes from starvation.

Right now, my SmartOnes Traditional Lasagne with Meat Sauce (for 6 points) is sitting on my desk. I've decided to use my blog as a distraction to let it sit for 1-2 minutes. I'm going to finally determine if it really makes a difference and, bonus, I'll save my tongue from another burn.

For those who naturally are able to wait those extra few minutes - - bravo! I will be that person one day. That is now going on my life list.

Top Pot Doughnuts Nutrition Information

I've been donut free for 32 days. Not really because I've been trying, but after I broke the cycle and started working out again, I really hadn't wanted one. I WANTED ONE TODAY! I got my workout in this morning and have many points at my disposal. I decided, though, I needed real nutrition information in order to be honest with myself.

I realize it is difficult for most people to keep a straight face when using the words Nutrition and Top Pot in the same sentence. HOWEVER, those of us who cannot live without donuts must live with them, and give them the caloric respect they deserve.

If you were wondering, here it is: Top Pot Nutrition Information

After realizing that my Apple Fritter is 13 points, my Chocolate Bar is 15 and my Cinnamon-Sugar Old Fashioned is 10, I decided against it. I wanted a treat as a reward for my dedication to working out, but that was overboard. I was not willing to trade 1 donut for 3 20-min Jillian Michaels sessions and 60 minutes on the elliptical.

So, I opted for a cup of Timothy's White Hot Chocolate for a total of 2 points.

Never you fear, though, I am planning on purchasing one on Monday, but I've decided to share half with one of my coworkers (or the trash can).

Sugar, Splenda and my Addiction

Once upon a couple weeks ago, I decided to take a week and stop consuming sugar and Splenda. I thought a week couldn't hurt and my goal was to break my little habits of grabbing unhealthy snacks. Bad news: I realized a was physically addicted. Good news: I lasted a week and broke my addiction.

Day 1, my muscles ached and I found myself tightening them a lot, like I was cold. Also had a headache. Day 2, I was amazingly angry at the world and, well, my poor family.... It took until Day 3 of headaches to realize what was happening. Mentally, I was on a roller coaster and physically, I felt horrible all over. I slept a lot.

I was so surprised at my experience, so I went hunting for information. I first realized that, without really knowing it, I was consuming between 5-10 servings of Splenda. I stay away from aspertame because I found it was a direct link to my migraines. But Splenda was in most of my daily diet: yogurt, bread, english muffins, water mix-in stuff, light juices, etc. Not to mention a packet in every cup of coffee (to come: caffeine addictions - just kidding!).

Below is a link to a website I found with more information on Splenda and a blurb from the website that I found helpful. To be completely honest, I am not going to completely remove sugar from my diet, but I've decided to pretty much remove Splenda and just enjoy plain old sugar on occasion. I feel great!

Women to Women

Finding comfort in the right places

After taking a closer look at what you eat, it may also be useful for you to examine the role sweet food plays in your life. This often ties in to deep associations and emotions buried in childhood. Perhaps you always crave sugar in the mornings because you associate family, home, and security with the pancake breakfasts your mother used to make.

But just as a pancake breakfast won’t satisfy your emotional longings, fake sugar won’t feed your body’s needs — nor real sugar, for that matter. There simply are no shortcuts in that department. Facing what is really going on in our emotions, our bodies, and our lives can be challenging, and it’s tempting to take the easy out, buffeted by sugary treats and comfort food. In my experience, that path only leads back to the same place — more pain, and eventually, sickness.

So I encourage you to nourish yourself from the inside out, with healthy food, self-care, and healthy relationships. In life there is bound to be some bitterness — the secret is to restore enough balance to delight in the sweet.

Resolutions, Rewards and Restraint

In order to resolve to do something, I need a reward, but in order to reward myself, I need to exercise restraint. A piece of chocolate can’t work as a reward if I eat a box a day. I have to restrain myself until I hit my resolution.

I know that my will alone will not propel me to a goal. How do I know? The number of times I have willed myself to do something and failed. Even within my Weight Watchers journey, I have had weeks in which I just flat-out failed. Life ain’t always pretty. But when my goals and rewards were clear, I push passed the messy, vagueness of the failures. **As an aside, "failures" aren’t reason to beat ourselves up, but ways to learn about ourselves. We know this didn’t work, so what does?**

When I first hit my goal weight, I had a list of things that I did as a reward, but that meant saving those things for that special moment.

1. I got my wedding rings resized because they were too loose to wear. That meant I had several weeks that I couldn’t wear my rings at all. That was tough for me.

2. I got a new drivers’ license. I got a new picture and recorded my actual weight. It happened to be 15 pounds lighter than my fake weight before Weight Watchers.

3. I bought a brand new outfit that was not on sale. This was especially hard when I got within 2 pounds of my goal. I had my outfit picked out and my credit card warmed up. Well meaning people in my life mentioned that 2 pounds would not change the way the clothes fit. And although they were right, it was a reward I set aside for my goal weight. I had to wait the two weeks to make it worth it.

4. I added real butter back into my diet. Don’t get me wrong – spray butter has its place in this world, but I absolutely adore using real butter. I purchased the butter and it sat untouched in my fridge until the day I walked home with my goal weight obtained. It was very hard to leave it alone, but this was a big deal for me and I wanted it to be special.

So, now, I sit with my 5 pound holiday weight gain -- yes, still. I had been pretty apathetic towards losing it, but I realized it’s because I am not exercising restraint. I have nothing left to reward myself with.

I have consumed several donuts since the holiday weight gain. Last Friday, I reached my low point and ate 3 ½ donuts. To be more specific, they were Top Pot, hand-forged doughnuts (that someone else paid for!). If you are unfamiliar with Top Pot, these are the best, the largest, and most amazing donuts in existence. I had an old-fashion cinnamon-sugar, a Peppermint Snowdrift, a Raspberry-filled glazed and half of a Chocolate Bavarian Cream. I stayed away from the Apple Fritter due to the high point value. (What?!)

These are the donuts that I vowed would be used as a reward after weight loss or maintenance in my DON’Tnut blog in August. I would buy one, cut it up and have a piece of it every day. I robbed myself of my reward by treating it as commonplace.

As hard as it’s been, I’ve been Top Pot free for 7 days. I have my reward back and am motivated again. This dog won’t run if the rabbit isn’t out in front. See you at the finish line.

Jicama Fries

Jicama is called the Mexican Potato and I generally find it in the same section as jalepenos and ginger root in the produce section at the grocery store. I love jicama for several reasons.

1. It’s pronounced Heeckama, but it’s spelled cooler than that.
2. It seems to always be in season.
3. You can eat it raw, but peel it first.
4. It’s crunchy and sweet – cross between an apple and potato. For those of us allergic to apples, this is the next best thing.
5. If you cut it into little squares, it can replace croutons on your salad, but it’s a vegetable.

Of all the reasons why I love jicama, my favorite by far is what I call jicama fries.

Like with donuts, I have a problem with French fries. They are my gateway food. I can’t eat just one order of them. And, when I’ve indulged, I go back for the Quarter Pounder with (extra) Cheese because, well, why not? And then the two apple pies for $1 naturally follow. It’s a dangerous place to be. I also have a very large problem sharing fries - - *sigh* my poor husband.

BUT, I can trick myself with jicama.

I cut it up in slivers to look like french fries. Then, I add a little salt and put them on my plate next to my garden burger. It gives me the same feeling I get with french fries, but doesn’t make me want to run to McDonald’s. I know I’m eating a vegetable, but it LOOKS like a french fry and has many of the same qualities. And, I can eat a lot of it if I want to.

Shh! I am so sneaky. Just don’t tell myself, okay? I wouldn’t want to ruin the bliss.

Hidden Inspiration

Inspiration comes from the sneakiest places and I’ve recently realized that there is a TON hiding in the children’s category. I think it’s great that we want to inspire our children to dream big, but somewhere along the line, we lose the message after we’ve “grown up.” Life happens. Our innocence is lost. The dream-big message gets squashed.

Dreams are placed within us as children because of the inspirational messages and hopefully, because of inspirational adults. Where did they go? Remember the one thing you wanted to play all the time as a kid? What could you stay up all night long and talk about in high school?

The reason why the 60 year old college grad is in the news is because it’s uncommon. The reason why the fit 80 year old marathon runner is talked about is because it’s uncommon. We hang on to the words of motivational speakers, because their message is an uncommon one for adults. The uncommon thread is actually living out dreams.

With my son at five years old, I can acceptably live in the inspirational children’s world without judgement. I’d like to share a few things that have inspired me lately – Hannah Montana, Curious George and Kung Fu Panda.

Lyrics from Miley Cyrus’s song Who Said: (condensed for readability)

Who said I can't be Superman, I say that I know I can
Who said I won't be President, I say you ain't seen nothin' yet

Who said I can't be worldwide, I say time is on my side
Who said I can't be ten feet tall, I say that I can have it all

Your limitation is your imagination

I have to say, in all honesty, that I love listening to her songs, whether my son is around or not. I mean, seriously. Who said?!

Another great song is from the Curious George movie. Jack Johnson sings Upside Down and my favorite piece of that song is (again, edited for readability):

Who's to say what's impossible?
Well they forgot, this world keeps spinning
I want to turn the whole thing upside down
I'll find the things they say just can't be found

Finally, I have to pull out Kung Fu Panda. My son adores this movie. He is currently taking Karate and loves animals, so this one was a perfect fit. I have watched it about 1,000 times and don’t mind watching it again because I am inspired each time.

*****spoiler alert*****
No one thought the “flabby panda” could be the dragon warrior. There was a preconceived notion that the greatest warrior of the valley would be a fast, trim, fit and serious kung fu fighter. It was not so. The fate of the valley rested on the shoulders of the panda, who doubted his heritage, was uncomfortable in his own skin and ate when he was worried. Not one of the kung fu masters could fulfill his destiny to save the valley. It was only Po’s destiny. No one else could have lived it, even though they tried.
*****spoiler alert over*****

Through Kung Fu Panda, I learned that I am the only one who can live my life. No one can tell my story the way I can. No one can be the mom to my son that I can. No one can be April Rickard like I can. That is my destiny, no matter who I think looks better, speaks better or writes better. I can’t be intimidated out my dreams.

So, let’s get out our inspirational shovels and dig up our buried dreams! Let’s shake off the tragedies that convinced us that Hope is worthless. Let’s be proud to jam out to Hannah Montana in the car, or rate Kung Fu Panda as a five on our Netflix queue. Grab hold of the inspirational things in your life and use them – no matter how old we are! Let’s become Dorothy and force our feet down the yellow brick road. We will find friends and hope. We will get back home and, ultimately, we’ll find ourselves in the process.

25 Random Things About Me

I did this on FaceBook and thought I would post it here too. It was a fun exercise!

1. In 2007, I lost 54 pounds and have kept it off, but still struggle with food.
2. I love that I live by water, mountains and trees, but still in a big city.
3. I prefer comedies. Too much drama overloads my compassion sensories.
4. I made up the term "compassion sensories"
5. I love to write and am writing my first novel.
6. I still have the same first job that I got after I graduated from college - 9 years ago - just got promoted a bunch.
7. I play practical jokes and view April 1st as a day set aside for me - my name is April, after all.
8. I have a red miniature longhaired dauchshund named Jasmine.
9. I am inspired by Hannah Montanta songs.
10. I wish I had more time with my son and husband during the week.
11. I am not good about cleaning my fish tank or flossing regularly.
12. I enjoy digital scrapbooking.
13. I wish I lived closer to family (most of the time!).
14. I have the pig.
15. I love the Message Bible - it's a pretty cool paraphrase that has helped me a lot.
16. I am addicted to facebook.
17. I can't park very well and can't parallel park at all.
18. My hair is very fuzzy, but nobody believes me. They are usually very shocked if they see it in it's natural state. I once scared my sister to tears at night because she thought I was a monster.
19. I have eaten a fried twinkie and was very disappointed. I'll take a box of the regulars any day - after all, they only put 10 in a box.
20. I like funny.
21. Cotton-Eyed Joe is one of the songs on my workout playlist.
22. Can't wait to see Paul Blart: Mall Cop (when it comes out on video)
23. Am madly in love with my husband and best friend, who happens to be the same person, thankfully.
24. I have an abnormally large space between my first and second toes on both feet, large enough for an extra toe.
25. My son also has the same space between his toes - I know he's mine!

A Whole Month!!

I know! It's been a month since I've posted my last blog and this one is just an update. I've been participating in NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) It's the craziest thing I've ever done! (come on, you're talking to me - prior to this, the fried twinkie was the craziest thing I'd ever done....interesting how it always comes back to that. )

ANWAY, NaNoWriMo challenges you to belt out a 50,000 word novel in the month of November. WooHoo! then, *sigh*. That is a whole lot of friggin' words, my friend.

I'm just over half way there, though. I'm at 25,139 at this moment (that's 61 pages in Word), but life is about to get a whole lot crazier for me. I leave on an airplane in less than 48 hours to go to Georgia, then drive to North Carolina for my little bro's wedding. I won't get back home until November 30th. NaNoWriMo will be pretty much over by then.

So, I thought about quitting. It's not like you win anything. You get a little star by your name so everyone else knows you did it. Also, my novel is turning out to be a bunch of hooie (not quite sure how to spell that one). It started great and then, well, the hooie ensued. Who wants to read hooie - much more, who really enjoys writing hooie?! Okay, now it's becoming just about how many times I can write hooie.

ANYhooie, I'm not going to quit. I could be doing a bajillion different things, but I'm going to keep writing. I'm also pretty dang determined to finish this novel. As stinky as it is, it's a first draft. My editor side of me is really getting angry, but I won't allow myself to re-read anything. Accomplished authors always started out with a first draft and I've heard some say that their first draft was awful too. So, I'm gonna keep typing away. I really think there's a diamond in that hooie. I just have to keep picking away at it and then, I'll get to polish it later.

MAN! I just realize I wrote 351 words up there! Do you think I'd be allowed to add that to my word count? Have I become obsessed?! You betcha!
Click here for more info on NaNoWriMo.